from my side

i don't know why since discussion on night interaction with one of seniors in Ocean Engineering as a part of our hazing/regeneration or orientation or whatever you named it, my mind is fulled by a thought of country, nationalism, society, campus life, student, ministry, education, fairness, jobs etc.

actually i'm interested on that topic. a lot. i always enjoying talking about that with my dad, while us watching news or some random topic which is suddenly coming up when dad took me to school. (suddenly miss my dad :'( ) but i can't discuss it with others cause from my side i don't see a concern about it from my friend, people around me, specifically schoolmate.

and it gets more and more swamped at university because i become a bit uncaring girl as a run of crazy thought. a labile teen you know. but then that topic appearing again when i enter an unit about economy and capital market. I see good and bad things technically happen to our economy system. FYI, i enter this unit to fulfill my unsatisfied will, i wanna go study abroad at first, learning about business and finance, i've been looking for good university at Australia, participating in some seminars about going abroad then with just a simple wish from my mom and God makes me passed the test to ITB, and i'm stranded here in Ocean Engineering. but according to how my life right now, i'm so glad i am here, His plan never wrong :)

alright back to topic. at that unit i'm not so much thinking about country and it's friend but it sometimes block my mind. and when i was on that the discussion it blows up again. and i more look like get a hit. why? because even i was much talking with my dad, i always think i don't want to contribute in our ministry, because our government is sick and i am afraid i'm not much strong to still stand on my feet on my thoughts right now, or i can say i don't wanna be plunged into misery. egoistic? yes i also think like that. i'm more afraid to Jesus, and it sounds pathetic because He wanted us as a good shepherd well it also about contributing as a leader. us as the next leader in our generation.

but, honestly, one thing makes me a bit pessimist, because I am Christian. yeah broaden your sight how low our democratic thingy in our country? how small chance they give to us, minority, in a chair of government? You can see clearly right. that is my biggest fear.

and suddenly a rumor about KM ITB (the organization which include all student) become more and more hot. I see and listen to many things and not good. I am curious but still, education and my problematic society more chaos my mind. but what i can sum from the news is our foundation organization is not in good condition, there is a chaos about them and I wish for a better condition, cause right here right now I don’t know what to do. I just can pray from here :’)

what i want to say here is from my side our generation don't put many attention to our society, they are more curious about studying, having fun and anything else. i'm a bit sad but also don't know what to do. and even if i know why we must contribute i'm still afraid to have a dream about participating in ministry or else. and i'm sad about myself. how can i change it? but i also think must i change it? cause my hope is not that high. and personally i don't want to.