Affected

I'm so so sad about myself. it happened today, right after i want back from Ciroyom.

I think i close enough to my God, Jesus. because i almost end up everything on Him and many thing else that make me feel so close to Him.

well then i'm a bit shocked today. i feel i'm not quite caring about others even they who are in same religion with me. and i'm so moved. my friend that my first impression about him is not good. A rebellious, naughty and so far from God. actually now has changed and become a good, religious man. i have known that he has changed and now i see right with my eyes how religious he is.

i'm about laughing to myself, like having a stab on my heart. oh my. i'm a bit down.

he is so caring to that child, singing a church song, which we, Christian people, always sing on Sunday in teen's class. asking about the story the gospel which is written on Bible, giving a nice one act. asking about where he is having church service. and wanted to having a service together with him this sunday. :")

i feel so happy. how amazing God is. He makes him like that.

and i really really want to strengthen my intention to be His usher, well in any form. and first thing which flash on my head is becoming a 'sunday school' teacher. you can laugh. but i'm seriously thinking about that.

you know, it almost 20 years i live in this world, addicted to Him, asking many things to Him, but what i have done to Him was just a little little percent. :'(

I feel so ashamed. I feel so bad. I am longing for Him many days. more than my friend that i mention above. But what i did? it is still far. and i have to do something about that. soon. really really soon.