a hard time

well nowadays i've been totally out. all i want is doing fun things which make me forget all that stupid exams who evaporate all my energy. i used all things that i can do to catch up things that i left behind. but the result is 0 Z-E-R-O my fluid mechanics exam is so damn worst ever. I don't have energy to study for next exam, and i'm like an idiot talking and then staring to the sky. believe it or not i just learn from the spoken words by my friend. i even playing cards right before the exam? it is my first time like this. fluid mechanics ruin my days the day before and the following time. hell.

Stupid. literally yes. why i have to think the past test and sink to it? why don't i try to do the best in next exam but doing fool things? and after all the exam i directly got headache. a headache which usually will be last for a long period. i don't have so much energy and the thing i have to admit it: fake smile. i wanna run but i don't have a place to run to. or eventually i don't wanna say what i feel until somebody realize my mask and ask what is going on behind it. but then no-one. well geby, people around you evidently not really know you.

i know it. i know it. I miss my old close friend who now is not in the same university as me. They are my best refuge. the environment change so do the society. you have to adapt. you have to be used to it a.s.a.p. life is getting harder as the time increase. no matter what i have to be more mature. more sensitive to the people around. try your best, don't give up in a half way. God is with me :)