believing. disappointment. contrary.

speaking of relationship, in one serial, they said, ''in relationship the most important thing is believing, so you must trust on him/her". then how could i dare enough to open my mind for welcoming stranger to my life and compare it to how much hurt i get cause of disappointment of believing on someone?

i don't know either me, who are too sensitive recently or that is how the world going? i've seen many disappointment of believing, i've tasted the feeling of rejected, alone. i've told myself that eventhough there are many examples of bad things nonetheless there will be a good thing appear and recover everything. I've watched many films and i even feel annoy when the lead character having too complicated taught and see everything in bad ways or we could say too negative thinking. but i can't help it.

in some meeting there is one senior asked me why do i still single till now? that question is quite shocking. ha! i've said many times that i'm not interested on having an affair with someone right now. but. maybe the fact is i'm too afraid to trust. can somebody help me how could i trust on someone in the condition i see and feel many rejection and i know how the fake smile is usually your habit and people around you habit?

how could you tell me to change myself if there isn't anyone who can show me how to smile cause i almost forget when is the last time i smile and laugh freely? you can say i'm too much whining but i can brave enough to say, 'don't disturb me cause i don't believe in you, who are you?' haha i assume there will be many people hate me while reading this writes. people, you can assume you can argue with your own way of thinking and so do i and this is what i think right now. it may be for a long time or short time depend on how my life remain later, but i still believe what Jesus said on Bible: all will be beautiful IN it's time. the reason why i don't give up yet in this life, i have faith to Jesus and the rest will be Him who point my journey.